If I may, let me begin in an orthodox, albeit atypical way through prayer: Father I thank you for making us in such a way that we have the capacity and privilege of knowing You. Help us to know You more. Lord, You said that everyone is blessed who fears You, that they shall be happy and all will be well with them. Lord Jesus, You have made me happy and caused all things to be well with me. Thank You Lord! And help me to fear and believe You all the more. Lord, we do not want to be complacent; God, forbid that we become unsavory salt; we want to be useful to You always. God help us and forgive us of our lazy complacency and stagnant contentment. We fear men more than we fear You, so we keep You as our most private secret instead of proclaiming Your wonderful works to the children of men. Forgive us God for being disobedient. Help Your Church, in the future, from now on, and by the power of Your Holy Spirit to be Your witnesses in all the earth in order to work together with the Holy Spirit in preparing You a pure and spotless bride, just for You, Lord Jesus. Teach us to pray in Your Name. Amen.
Last week when I wrote you last, I sort of knew what I would be writing about this week. Let me say at the forefront that I am neither eloquent nor profound enough to convey to you the fulfillment which I feel and in which I have been living. I am truly blessed, and I am even more aware now of the obedience and calling of the Gospel to which we have been called. Why do I say “we”? Because, as of Friday, October 16th, 2009, my good friend of four years and the woman through whom God revived love in me, the elegant Helen Salter, became my bride-to-be. YEA!!!! J I LOVE her with a more passionate and committed love than I have ever experienced before. What’s more is that the Father, from the beginning of our courtship, has been giving me glimpses into His love for her—the love with which He desires to love her through me. What an awesome privilege for me! It’s true that I cannot love everybody that way, there just wouldn’t be the practical or devotional time and energy to do so, but God knows I can at least love my wife with His love, and He wants me to. He wants ALL husbands to do that.
This may be a lengthy post, so feel free to come back to it. Let me start from the beginning:
I met Helen Salter in the Fall of 2005 at Jimmy and Anne Nicholson’s house in Auburn, AL. Jimmy and Anne hosted a college fellowship at least twice a week in their home. It was a wonderful time in the word, in prayer and worship, and in the breaking of bread and fellowship. It was our church home. We truly kept Jesus as our focus. We had a very intimate group of people there, and Helen became part of that group that year. I can remember first seeing Helen sitting adjacent from the entrance to Anne’s kitchen; so she was the first sight I beheld when I walked in the door that night. And what a sight to behold! I didn’t immediately know that the woman I was looking at would one day be my wife, but I did have the good sense to appreciate how beautiful she was. And to be honest, the thought of possible partnership with her did cross my mind, since, at that point in time and many times afterward, every time I saw a new girl I wondered, “Is she the one?” You see I’ve been alone pretty much my whole life. I’ve only had one other girlfriend, and now looking back on that relationship, it was a fairly superficial one. We dated for two years off and on, talked about marriage, but never kissed each other, and I came away from that relationship very hurt and confused. Needless to say, I have been looking for my wife for about 10 years now.
Of course after meeting Helen that night I realized something even more charming and appealing about her—her accent. Helen had moved from Bristol, England with her family when she was 14 years old. They now reside in Birmingham, AL where her dad is a pastor.
After we had talked for a bit, I was extremely attracted to her then! So I liked Helen almost immediately when I met her. But I wasn’t grounded on just her at that point in time and probably suppressed my attraction to her in order to keep myself from being hurt again. About a year later, my attraction to her was turning into love. In November of 2006 I wrote Helen a letter expressing my “intrigue” of her and my desire to get to know her better. Her response was well-thought out and prayed through, but she kindly declined my offer at that time, saying, “There are many things that I admire about you but I don't share the same feelings as you have expressed to me.” Ironically, she also had prayed that "the Lord would bring into [my] life the woman that He is preparing for [me] and that it would not be long from now." I have these comments from her thanks to the fact that I never delete most of my g-mails. J That is very meaningful now since she is the answer to her own prayer! I wasn’t devastated by her response, especially since Helen took care to never disrespect me in any way. But I was disappointed because I had been convinced in my own mind and heart that she would be the last woman I would ever have to date. I even burned a CD in celebration of the fact, which I entitled “Love my Woman,” and included my favorite love songs on it to remind me of her. Since I had been turned down, I began to suppress my feelings for her and we continued to be good friends.
In 2009, when I heard that Helen had a boyfriend at work, I was secretly disappointed, although I told her I was happy for her, and I meant it. I wanted her to be happy, but, of course, I wanted me to be happy too. Only a few months later, I was secretly glad that she had broken up with this young man, although I was saddened by the fact that she had been hurt and was now all alone, AGAIN! In June, when Helen came to visit Gabby and me in Auburn, we talked about it. She shared her story and I shared mine. It was the first time that either of us had talked with one another about our past (or in her case, recent) relationships. Light had been shed and more room had been made for each of us in our hearts, although I wasn’t fully aware of it at the time and didn’t want to admit it to myself. But that day, as I looked upon the dainty elegance of my old friend, Helen, once again, I just stood to reflect upon her character and appreciate her beauty. I felt compelled to snap a quick, candid photo with my camera-phone. My mind was in a state of conflict at that moment: I told myself that I was just doing it to remember my good friend Helen, who, after all, I may never see again since I would be moving to New York in a month. But I knew that I was suppressing what had been motivating my very actions that day: I was deeply impressed by her and I wanted to impress her too. Before she left Auburn, I invited her and Gabby over to my house to have a pancake breakfast. I also talked her into going with me to visit our friends David and Jillian Carden in Mobile the next week. She agreed to go. I secretly did it in order to spend more time with her, even though I never would have admitted it even to myself at the time. It’s wonderful how God works things out, for it was on that trip that we realized we liked each other. The week that I left to come here to New York, I wrote her a second letter asking her for her permission (and her dad’s) to pursue her in courtship and to get to know her better. It is now 3 and a half months later, a week after she came up here to visit me, and she is now my fiancé. I can say in all seriousness that last week with Helen was the best week of my life under the sun thus far. But before I tell you a little about that, let me backtrack for a moment.
Exactly five years ago, I was living at His Place ministries in Opelika and Helen was living in Selma with her mentors, Terry and Stephanie Grissom. During that time I was in the midst of a 40-day fast which God had called me to do for the first time in my life. He had instructed me to fast from “the thing which I love most in this whole world.” At that point in time, the “thing” which I loved most in this world was my ex-girlfriend, Lindsey. I didn't realize it at the time (or maybe I didn't want to), but fasting from Lindsey was the answer to her prayers. She apparently had wanted to break up with me, again, but, again, wanted me to do it, instead of her. Needless to say, she was very supportive of the fast. I viewed it as me giving up the supreme object of my love and thus as an Abraham-sacrificing-Isaac-type of situation. I told God, “If I yield this seed to You, to plant it in the ground and let it die, I expect it to become fruitful. But Lord, I will give up anything for You!” I said in tears. (It was later, in 2006, when God expressly promised to make me fruitful and founded it on Psalm 128:1-4). At the end of the fast, God revealed to me that Lindsey and I would break up, and He gave me the utmost grace to do it and to cope with it. During that same time, almost exactly five years ago today, Helen was at a church conference called “Harvest-Fest.” It was appropriately held during the month of October. At that conference, God spoke to her through two different members of the Body that, among many other things, she would be married, and that her husband would be “a Caleb in the spirit.” Helen has clung to this word of prophecy as confirmation as to who her husband would be. In 2005, the same year that I met Helen, I came across a teaching by my favorite bible teacher, Derek Prince, entitled “Caleb: Lessons from a Dog’s Life.” This teaching changed my life and caused me to desire to pattern my life after that of Caleb. I even began to write an epic story with Caleb as the protagonist and main character. Did you know that five times in the Scriptures it says of Caleb that “he wholly followed the Lord his God”? It doesn’t even say that about Joshua or David! I want to be that kind of man—a man who is completely faithful to God and in all things; a man of integrity and loyalty.
It is important to mention that in the same month that I was drawing near to God, fasting to find my wife and fruitfulness, Helen was being told who her husband would be, even before we met! God was immediately at work, and neither of us even knew it! It is in Psalm 128:3, where it says, “Your wife shall be a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house…” This is the same verse I had inscribed on Helen’s engagement ring, for she is truly the Fruitful Vine which God has prepared for me. And I pray that I am the “Caleb” which God has prepared for her.
I proposed to Helen on Friday, October 16th, as I said before. We had spent the day at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Afterward, we began walking back to TSC. We were right next to Central Park where I wanted to propose to her that day. I had the ring in my pocket, and it wasn’t raining, as it had been forecasted. Helen said, “Maybe we could go for a walk in the park tomorrow, if we have time.” I responded with a smile, “Well, we have some time right now.” This was the moment! I had to take it. So we strolled along, took some pictures and I found a scenic, quiet place with a bench for her to sit on. I wiped the rain water off the bench with my sleeve for her to sit down, but then said, “Well, this part is too wet, I’ll just sit here, in front of you so I can look at you.” I kneeled down on the ground, with the ring in my hand. Quickly and nervously, I told her that I love her, that she is my fruitful vine and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I showed her the ring. She cried and smiled broadly. I slid the ring onto her finger. She cried some more and we kissed for the first time. Helen is my first kiss. And I can tell you this: I’ll never kiss another woman as long as I live! Why would I want to? I am completely captivated by Helen and her love for me. J
The next five days together were some of the most wonderful days I will ever have with another human being. I didn’t think it was possible, but we have grown even more intimately and affectionately in love. I think of her every moment. And while we know that things may not always be exactly this way, as my wise and best friend David Carden said to me, “the commitment never changes.” Whatever the circumstances or moods that we find ourselves in, our commitment to one another will never change.
In closing, you other guys can be jealous and gawk at me, but Helen Salter is mine and I am hers. She is God’s gift to me, as it is written: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” I am truly highly favored!
I love you, Helen!
